My life, My story.

Invisible Man

2010-10-25T10:35:00.001-07:00

I don't have the courage to blog this on the main blog. Cause somehow, I know that you do read that blog of mine. And somehow, I know that you shouldn't be reading this. Not now.

Everytime I view your blog, I'm thankful. Cause I know I'm one of the priviledged few to have access to that. That I'm one of the few whom you've chosen to open up to. That compared to many others, I'm one of the few whom you've chosen to rely partially on. For that, I give thanks.

Forgive my inability to withhold my feelings for you. Believe me when I say that it took a hell load out of myself to actually choose to walk this path that we have decided on. I really didn't want all these to happen. Either way it hurts. But I cannot allow myself to sink any deeper knowing that I hold no place in your heart.

As much as it might hurt you, it hurts badly for me as well. You're one of the few whom I'd open up to as well. Now that you're gone as a friend, I find no one to share this pain with. And it hurts whenever I got reminded of the fact that your heart belongs to someone else, not me. It hurts whenever I look around and realise that I've lost my source of comfort. It hurts whenever I see you hurt. It hurts the most whenever I hear you talking about you and someone else and realise that I will never stand a chance or hold a candle against him.

Everytime the pain resurfaces, I struggle to hold back the tears.

I pray for all these to be over.

For while you're praying for everything to be alright between you and him, I will be praying for us. For your happiness, for your hurt and mine. And maybe for a miracle between us that I know will probably not happen.

It hurts so much now I don't know what else to say.

I love you, as an individual, as a close friend. A part of me wants to hold on so bad and pray that somehow a miracle would happen and that you'd get over him and feel for me as I do feel for you. Yet another part of me holds me back, cause I know that that will be nearly impossible. 2 years of relationship with him, from what you described, I don't think I will ever take his place in your heart.

Sometimes I really hoped that we'd have met much earlier. Maybe things would be different now.

But it doesn't matter now.

I love you.
Not as strong a love as a 2 year relationship would bring about, but I love you enough to let you go.

Promise me you'll be happy wherever you go and whoever you end up with. That the pain I'm feeling now would not go to waste. Wherever you end up, know that I will be behind you always. My shoulders will always be there for you to cry on.

Sometimes I really wonder if I ever crossed your mind, cause for me, you always do.

Love

2010-10-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

Love it patient,
love is kind.

It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.

It is not rude,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perserveres.

Love never fails.

Love wins, love always wins.

Smile

2010-04-25T07:09:00.000-07:00

Honestly, my initial intention for this website is to jot down whatever disturbing thoughts that is bothering me for that brief period.

Now I've come to realise that if I do exactly that, the readers will probably think I'm some bloody emo kid. Either that or they will wind up having depression.

I've come to terms with my thoughts for now, I hope. I should really stop evaluating and probing too much and start doing instead of thinking.

And so, this post shall be something light. Something meaningful. Something extraordinary. Something unanimous.

Here it is:

Compromise is not an option. Chao Keng is.

Undebatable fact.

Happy fact for the day: I got into NUS Engineering Science. Like finally.

Nothing

2010-04-24T06:56:00.000-07:00

I keep trying to convince myself that I should be over you. Keep forcing myself to believe that your opinions mean nothing to me. Keep trying to ease the feeling by avoiding you.

But everytime I hear your voice, I fall back in again. Though how agitated I might be, your voice calms me down.

Really.

2010-03-21T04:33:00.000-07:00

6 months to regain my independent life,

2 years to ease the pain,

4 years to move on,

4 years to start looking forward like you never existed.

4 farking years is what your non-committed initiation took from me.

The lesson learnt is priceless.

Thank you for teaching me that rationality is the only way to protect yourself.

If somehow you ever manage to find this blog, 'Screw You'..

2010-03-09T07:37:00.000-08:00

http://hearmysupplication.blogspot.com/

2010-02-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

Would it set me free?

If i dared to let you see.

The truth behind the person,

That you imagined me to be.

Would your arms be open?

Or would you walk away?

When the protective mechanisms step up to mask and protect the real you.

2010-01-12T07:41:00.000-08:00

A little boy of 13

Was on his way to school

He heard a crowd of people laughing

And he went to take a look

Thousands were listening

To the stories of one man

He spoke with such wisdom

Even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly

The day turned into night

Everyone was hungry

But there was no food in sight

The boy looked in his lunch box

At the little that he had

He wasn't sure what good it'd do

There were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus

The kindness in his smile

And the boy cried out with the trust of a child

He said:

Take my five loaves and two fishes

Do with it as you will

I surrender

Take my fears

My inhibitions

All my burdens

My ambitions

You can use it all

To feed them all

I often think about that boy

When I'm feeling small

And I worry that the works I do

Means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry

Is a diamond in his hands

And every door that slams in my face

I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have

Oh Lord, You can work miracles

All you need is my 'Amen'

So take my five loaves and two fishes

Do with it as you will

I surrender

Take my fears

My inhibitions

All my burdens

My ambitions

You can use it all

I hope it's not too small

2009-12-30T07:51:00.000-08:00

My Life, His Story

I cannot tell why He whom angels worship
Should set His Love upon the sons of men,
Or why, as Shepherd, He should seek the wanderers
To bring them back, they know not how or when.
But this i know, that He was born of mary
When Bethlehem' manger was His only home,
And that He lived at Nazereth and laboured,
And so the Saviour, Saviour of the world, is come.

Oh Lord, help me be what You want me to be.
Your Word I will strive to obey.
My life, I now give, For You I will live,
and walk by Your side all the way.
My life, I now give, For You I shall live,
Please walk by my side all the way.

2009-05-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

Let's Start Afresh.

=)